Cheer up Chris Martin!

If you go to Wikipedia and look up Chris Martin you are given the following snippets of information amongst others.

He has a baritone voice and is known for his frequent use of falsetto.
Martin attended Sherborne School, a boys' boarding school in Dorset and is an honours graduate of University College London[1] where he captained the 2nd XI Hockey Team.

Not very rock and roll is it?

Now I realise that a lot of big name rock acts went to university and are well educated, and I would never hold an academic career against anyone but being famous and using your fame as a sounding board is a difficult trick to pull off. Joe Strummer in my opinion managed it while Bono to be frank scares me. I listen to Bono and feel guilty for eating a bar of Toblerone in case the bees used to make the honey that went into the chocolate were mistreated or marginalised in some way.

Education and a perceived higher thought process is not a badge I want my rock stars to wear 24/7. I mean Pete Doherty is probably not used on prospective brochures for the University of London which he attended. Not than Pete Doherty should really be used as a shining light for anything educational other than the depths of social despair. Maybe a better example of rock stars with surprisingly studious backgrounds is Dexter Holland, lead singer of The Offspring who has a Ph.D. in Molecular Biology and Tom Morello of Rage Against The Machine who graduated from Harvard University. I have seen both of these acts live and I was entertained by both without either act feeling the need to preach to me from an ivory tower about the complicated frets and woes of having such a brilliant and socially aware mind. Neither did they feel the need to inform me that their guitar straps were fair trade and that a if we all shed a tear in unison, we could collect those tears and rid Africa of famine and drought forever.

My issue with Coldplay and therefore Chris Martin (the other members are too tiresome and boring to even have names apparently) is that there is nothing remarkable or fascinating about the man. There is nothing controversial, nothing interesting and nothing compelling me to be drawn into what he has to say.

Coldplay have a few good songs in my opinion but a lot of their repertoire is middle of the road, minor sounding, angst ridden and just plain dreary. At least Keane pull the same trick with a smile on their faces. Have you ever seen Chris Martin smile. He can't because he is too busy worrying about the world and the fate of some rare species of poriferans (sea sponges to you and me) off the coast of the Galapagos islands to enjoy life.

The man probably can't make a cup of coffee without weeping endlessly about the carbon footprint he has just placed on the planet. He probably weeps on holiday because his presence on the beach has disturbed the migratory cycle of the Bar-tailed Godwit and this in turn will affect the cycle of the Ruby-throated Hummingbird etc. When we turn on the TV and see Bono tirelessly rattling on about another so called worthy cause he has just found, Chris probably makes an effigy of Saint Bono and cuddles up to in bed to give him hope of a better place we can all live in harmoniously. Although clearly he won't cuddle his Bono effigy at the cost of cuddling Queen Gwyneth as this could be deemed dysfunctional family behaviour and have a profound effect on the apples of his eyes (pun intended), his children.

I'm not sure how Coldplay classify themselves musically but the important thing is in the following phrase 'Rock and roll act/ Pop act' is the word 'act'. Try to entertain your audience lads. Standing stock still at the microphone wearing plain and drab outfits that UNICEF have approved whilst playing songs at half the speed of the dreary album tempo is not an act. If they classify themselves as pop I would invite them to watch some Elton John, Madonna or Michael Jackson DVDs, and if they somehow think they can call themselves rock then please Chris, ask Queen Gwyneth for a Queen, Blur, Manic Street Preachers or Supergrass DVD for Christmas - that is, if you support the commercialization of the Lord and actually celebrate the festive season.

I am not trying to pop at Coldplay for the sake of it but I just wish that they would cheer up, be happy for the success that their bland music has brought them and try to view the world and their careers as something visibly joyous.

And here are some more great facts about Chris:

He is vegetarian.

He was a strong supporter of Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry.

He has been particularly outspoken on issues of fair trade and has done a great deal of campaigning for the charity Oxfam's Make Trade Fair campaign.

He personally traveled to Ghana and Haiti to study the effects of unfair trade practices.

When performing, he usually has variations of "Make Trade Fair", "MTF" or an equal sign written on the back of his left hand and the letters "MTF" can be seen emblazoned on his piano.

He writes with his left hand and draws with his right hand.

He can play the clarinet.

PARTY ON CHRIS!